jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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