every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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