ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
