Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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