Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
