Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
