She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
