how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You need Xanax blowdarts
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I am one with the molecules
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Randomize
