i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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