you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
