community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
