I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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