hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Everything about him screamed your future.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
