He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Randomize
