There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
