You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
