you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
