Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
