I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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