so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Let's get the cat blown out
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
