jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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