a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
