There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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