Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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