Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
