i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I could make wine with my vomit
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Couch. On fire.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
