You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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