It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
