there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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