Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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