just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
