i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
A+ Viking dick
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
