thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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