What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
