I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
