I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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