Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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