Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
What happened to fro yo and sex?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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