sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
