hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
