I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize