I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
