Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He? As in you personified your dick?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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