Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
