you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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