Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
