And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
