I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
