I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
