he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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