Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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