guys are only as good as the porn they watch
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
