im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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