worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
