She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize