mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
