What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
