my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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