Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Holy shit dude........stairs
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
