I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize