The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
