every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
People in love make me want to vomit
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
