I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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