I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
