I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
