Capitaan dildo arrescate!
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just got carded by a ten year old.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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