I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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