i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
