I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize