I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
